


How Bill Stole Christmas: A Christmas Story

by EvilEkat



Category: Gravity Falls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 00:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5519303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvilEkat/pseuds/EvilEkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Through terrible rhyming and a limit of 618 words, Bill ruins Christmas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Bill Stole Christmas: A Christmas Story

**Author's Note:**

> Not to be taken seriously. This is an older works of mine that I have posted on FF net (Noticeably not any time near Christmas.) I just enjoy writing over the top poetic rhyming, and gave myself the challenge of writing this in 618 words. (Which for some reason doesn't show up as that many here???) I've no idea why that is.
> 
> Additionally, before anyone brings it up, I am aware that, like the Hirsches, the Pines celebrate both Christmas and Chanukah. It's just has a little creative license on my part.
> 
> Read, review, and enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls.

It was the night before Christmas,

and all through the Shack,

a single blue light glowed,

a certain Dorito was back.

An interesting thing to know about this fellow;

asides from his hat, he was rather quite yellow!

A triangle in shape, bestowed with one eye,

despite having no tongue he was very quick to lie.

Trouble and mischief were his middle names,

making deals left and right towards his own gain.

He plotted, he schemed,

and on occasion entered people's dreams.

But that is beside this poem's goal,

it's to make sure you avoid a single, very confusing, plot hole.

Bill hated Christmas, and human beings too.

Why? Who cares?! He doesn't have to justify his reasons to the likes of you!

Well on this night, December twenty-fourth,

said demon came forth.

With a plan that was,

incapacitating those pesky Pines... just... Well just because!

So he sat on the roof of their lopsided Shack,

watching and waiting, while planning attack.

A colourful sight met his one eye,

it was that Mabel Pines decorating the room with a sigh.

A tree and streamers alright,

a dozen lights of the rainbow lit up the night.

Stockings, gingerbread, and cable-knit sweaters,

made the cheerful sight all the better.

Better to Mabel that was,

as she ran through the Shack "Ho, ho hoing" like Santa Clause.

There was so much dye and glitter as well,

Bill wondered if he'd died and gone to Technicolor hell.

But he knew there was something wrong with the scene,

and tried to determine what this could all possibly mean.

Christmas for the Pines? Wasn't that a bit newish?

Last time he checked, their family was Jewish!

The demon jumped in surprise as Stan called with a roar;

"Mabel! Dipper! Keep decorating, the tourists was to see more!"

Well that explained it all,

it was typical Stanford Pines to throw morals to the wall.

Stan was the most tight-fisted and greedy of men,

no one really knew why this was or when.

Leave it to Stanley Pines to be absolutely selfish,

conning all of the m any tourists in to buying Christmas... Shellfish?!

Did that even make sense? Now that took the cake!

Bill saw red as a man paid twelve eighty-five for what was really a slab of steak.

As if it wasn't bad enough humans were constantly spawning,

they had colourful winter holidays that left them all fawning.

Humans! He was glad he was never one!

After all, being a demon was six times more fun.

By stealing this "Christmas" he could decimate their tiny lives.

Knowing Stan, when he lost all that profit, he would break out in to hives.

With this perfect idea now in mind,

the demon swore vengeance against all human kind.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Dudes!" Cried a jolly, merry voice.

"Dude, Christmas is like a time for like spreading love and stuff. Are you sure that's your choice?"

Startled, Bill turned to face his right,

where the lovable man child Soos stood clad in red and white.

"Can it Tubby, I'm trying to find a way to ruin Christmas." He said with a roll of his eye.

The Soos playing Santa Clause stared at the vengeful Dorito. "Oh my."

Bill waved his hand, turning Soos in to a solid block of ice.

Oh dear, that wasn't exactly nice.

He'll probably be fine.

But anyways now, on to the next line.

When Dipper and Stan woke up the next morn,

they found Mabel in the gift shop looking rather torn.

Everything, everything, everything! Was covered in yellow paint.

What did you expect? Bill's not a saint!

And that was how Bill stole Christmas. What a triangle-shaped jerk!

**_Fin_ **


End file.
